There is no question that marriage is hard work. It’s a huge commitment and one of the biggest decisions you will ever make so it’s no surprise that this decision causes angst and anxiety. To help ease these feelings, it crucial to ask your partner the following questions before rushing down the aisle.
1. Do you want to have children? There are people who believe that having a child will make their rocky relationship better. This is almost never the case. Raising kids is hard work and can complicate feelings further. It’s best to be in a good place with your partner before kids are even in the picture to build that solid foundation. If you both do want children, you should also talk about how many.There’s a huge difference between wanting six kids and having an only child. You both need to agree.
2. What personal roles will you take on? Is there a breadwinner in the family? Will one of you focus on work while the other focuses on your home life? Will the duties of childcare fall mainly on one person or will you split the time? It’s almost impossible to be completely equal in a relationship. You both have individual personalities, wants and needs and those traits will continue to develop over time. Figure out who you are, who your partner is, and what role you’ll play in your marriage.
3. What sacrifices are you both willing to make? It’s inevitable that you’ll each have to give up something, or a number of things, once you’re married. It could be a certain level of privacy, time spent with friends, career goals, and a rearrangement of priorities. Are you willing to sacrifice something to better your relationship? If not, you need to reevaluate your dedication to the relationship.
4. What is your financial situation? Is your partner in debt? If so, are you willing to take that on when you’re married? You’ll probably open a joint banking account – are you okay with sharing financial information with your partner? What if one of you makes a significant amount of money over the other – does that make you uncomfortable? Money can be a sore subject for some people.
5. How much do you trust your partner? A marriage is nothing without trust. You have to trust that they’ll stay loyal to you, even in tempting situations. You have to trust that they’re constantly looking out for you and your family. You have to trust them with your finances. You have to trust them with your life. So, do you and do they?
6. Is there a reason you’re marrying besides love? When asked, “Why are you marrying me?” the obvious answer is “Because I love you.” But marriage takes more than love. You need trust, compassion, dedication, happiness, compromise, understanding, and more. Sure, your partner may love you, but they should be able to detail why they love you and expand on other traits about your relationship that will make a marriage worthwhile.
7. Do you really want a marriage, or just a wedding? This is probably more common with women. Ladies, we start planning our dream wedding as little girls. Most of us know exactly what we want once that ring is placed on our finger. But are you getting married just because you want to live out that dream wedding? Remember, that wedding will be just one day in a lifetime of marriage. Don’t marry for the wedding. Marry for all the happy days that come after the wedding.
8. What is the dedication level to our extended families? How will you split holiday visits? If you’re in need of a babysitter, who is at the top of your list? Do you all get along or is it a struggle to spend time together? Extended family can be a touchy subject. Your parents and siblings were probably the most important people in your life until you decided to start your own family. Make sure you’re both happy with the time spent with extended family and try not to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Overall when you marry the right person, it is one of the most rewarding and wonderful decisions you will make. Yes, sharing a life with someone can be hard work but if done right, it is fulfilling and a special bond that cannot be broken.
This post is by Laura Dignan, an Influential Gal contributor. She is a Millennial from the small wonder they call Delaware. Laura is a marketing, public relations, and business development specialist and an advocate for the Oxford comma. In her free time she loves reading, writing, running, and drinking endless amounts of coffee. Laura’s personal blog, Can Ya Dig It?, explores topics such as marketing, the Millennial generation, and some personal ramblings.